A CHALLENGING RELATIONSHIP GLUED TOGETHER WITH SHARED lIFE GOALS & HEART WARMING LOVE.
What if I am the only one reading my blogs? So there is nothing to be ashamed of and I can simply spit out what is on my mind, no need to let stuff out. If you do read it, the blogs are my explorations of the mechanisms of the mind, emotions and physical shifts seen from out a spiritual connected perspective. I work with Angelic magic to clear out the pain and suffering in man. Like the female version of Harry Potter, and then for a daily living, which is at Lake Lucerne, Switzerland.
Gerard and I discussed this afternoon how our relationship is marked with shaming and addressing each other on our inner guilt. I used to be the one who got mobbed at school, he is the one who used to mob his co-students. Even worse, bringing each other down was the behavioral group pattern to fit amongst the group of friends he grew up in. I, on the other hand, didn’t have any true friends. I was one of those girls, when anyone looked at me, my cheeks flushed. I hated it to be amongst people. I had no one, no caretaker or teacher showing me how to deal with my severe shyness. I just struggled over the years, falling flat in the face and getting up again, over and over again. I have tried denial, anger, a big mouth. What in the end helped me was this one workshop facilitated by my spiritual teacher how to overcome shame and humiliation. This is what has changed my life and alleviated my being to a better place.
So how did we end up with each other? First of all, the love warming our hearts was a biggie. Then Gerard turns out to be highly spiritual aware, of which he always thought it was to be blamed on his smoking grass. Yeah, he was a real Dutchie. As I will explain in the video, any habitual addiction is partially to blame on unprocessed shaming. The day we got together is the day he quit smoking grass. He always told his family and friends that he was sure that for him all it takes was a woman he truly loves to quit smoking. So, he did. But the tendency remained of pressing all buttons he could find in me, by utilizing the behavioral patterns he picked up at home and among his friends took him years to first recognize. Which helped is that I always told him to stop use shaming to bring me down and for whatever reason, he thought it is allowed to treat me like this.
What he told me this afternoon made me realize how immense beautiful it is to commence in a relationship with different backgrounds and interests. Well, opposites attract as they say.
HE TOLD ME HOW HE LEARNED HOW TO RECOGNIZE HIS BEHAVIOR, WHICH MADE ME SMALLER THAN I TRULY AM. AND SO HE TOLD, THAT IT WAS NOT STRANGE THAT IF HE MADE ME FEEL SMALLER THAN I AM, HE SHOULD NOT BE SURPRISED THAT I BEHAVE SMALLER THAN I AM.
Gerard also stated, “This must have been the dumbest thing to do, there for the plans, we have set for our future you need to allow yourself To Be Big, Live Big, Talk Big and breathe the greatness of your being through every form of communication.” He had a point. The moment it is just a facade, all of you will sense it immediately and click away. Or am I wrong?
So I looked at him, “What can you alter in your behavior that I feel completely allowed to be my Self when I am around you? To share the greatness and the wisdom I hide deep inside of me? You know it is there, we have talked so many times, I have facilitated so many healing steps, where wisdom, compassion and a great sense of Graceful Justice and responsibility were felt in each cell of your body. It’s not something new in me.” “Well, I can start telling you that I think you are great, that for me you are the greatest person in the world… Hellen, you are great and you do your job better than anyone else I know. I think you are tremendously smart how you have self-taught yourself how to deal with all the online platforms and it amazes me how you can do that ánd be like the Holistic Hellen reflection of Harry Potter.”
All I could do was smile, even while my mind realized that though it was him testing me to see how I respond on his words, deep inside of me I felt this inner response like I have been crying for these simple words all these years. I know he told me many beautiful things over the years. Somehow this one expression of his recognition that he was able to make me feel smaller than I am with his shaming words, he also could me feel big with his words, set something between off in the dynamic between us. To me, it makes all the difference in the world.
And to be honest, in a way is today the start of a new life phase. It is something we will achieve together. Not behaving destructive towards each other, but rather behaving in a constructive manner is cordially welcomed into our lives.
The funny part of it is how we got to this topic. We felt stuck in our Marketing. What idea or topic to proceed without utilizing any form of NLP. hypnoses and telling you what you did it wrong in your life and with our method you will finally succeed in life. Or create a business plan which triggers dopamine in your brain, so you would feel an urge to live as we do. That is not something we would like to do. We provide info and would like you to adopt organic. Not pushed.
I asked him how the lifestyle I taught him, brought benefits in his life. “Well, Hellen. Since I met you, my whole life changed. From living in a 2nd-floor apartment in a not too fancy neighborhood in Amersfoort, I outgrew not only my behavior, but I also outgrew my job as a truck driver. I learned from you to recognize how my shaming behavior made you feel sad and hurt. I didn’t understand why you were not laughing out loud like the rest of my family, friends, and coworkers. I did feel the need to test changing my behavior, to test if it would shift your emotional and mental responses. So I did, as you know I have tested a lot on you.”
I admit it, if he or another uses shaming on me, the chance is that I can get cranky and tell them to bugger off and to not treat me like that. I have a ‘Mr. Bean-like’ expressive face, so reading me is doable, even for the noobs among face reading. Not leaving much to guess when I do not agree with something, which can be the smallest details. This can make Gerard burst into laughter when we are in a supermarket doing our grocery’s, or quickly looking around and pretending we are not together.
I asked Gerard what his biggest insight is about shaming. “What struck me, is that shaming another is literally throwing shameful energies into the space of another person and with this, losing grip of my own creational powers for my own life.”
I want you to take a moment to understand what he just said here. Lashing out on another, no matter what the emotional base is, is giving your energies away and with that, you do not own it any longer. It is no longer available to create the life you wish for. Can you understand the impact of this behavior? It is huge!
This can negatively impact your social life, your career or the way your business flourishes.
Gerard stated “You know Hellen, you helped me to realize that giving away my energies is not helpful at all. People can misuse these energies, or people can get stuck where they are trying to process my energies. What is even worse, the result is that it is harder for me to manifest the cars I would love to drive into our lives, I am slowing up so many processes, it is unbelievable.”
Trying to process the energies of another person is by Universal Law totally impossible, there it is not your energies, to begin with. “Living with you, attuning to this mindful lifestyle of what occurs in another’s mind, emotions and energy field during any form of interaction, makes me mindful about how I use my ‘clowning’ to make others feel comfortable around me. I tend to ask myself more questions. Why am I pressing this button, oh no, that is something you read in me why I do it. Hahahaha, you see?! I am still thinking I am the best and can take the credit for everything. That will never change.”
This is partially why my partner is one of my biggest fans. I live and breathe my marketing messages. I give purpose to lives which felt empty and useless. I give not only direction to someone’s life, but I also bring awareness of how to be the captain of your own life. Responsibility is not a dirty word, it is just often misused and abused. I know, because I have mastered avoiding responsibility in my past. Taking full responsibility over your own life it the most precious gift one can give self during a lifetime.
Contradictions, provocative statements, confronting views is liberating once you understand the true purpose of every single life of a human being here on earth, it is to grow and evolve.
That’s it, there is no more to it than that. The differences in stages make our world the way it is. One has a happy life, another has a traumatized life. That is how it is. No need to be judgmental about others. Let’s grow & evolve together.
can you alleviate those layers of shame by yourself?
Yes, you can. I personally do prefer that you don’t. I prefer that you request your personal holy guardian angel to do this for you.
Auch, did I touch just now this pain which is smothering you, that you feel defected, do you feel this sense of fundamentally damaged and certainly not capable of healing yourself? Well, I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry or feel uncomfortable. Just showing how easy it is to touch shame. Many do it without even realizing it. It takes awareness to understand actions, all forms of communication.
The simple reason I just stated that I personally prefer that you do not try to elevate layered shame of your personal space, has simply to do with this one cosmic rule. Lower awareness cannot perceive higher awareness. Shaming is often intended to bring a person down, to bring them in a bad mood, less cheerful as they were before the shaming occurred. Working with this shame in order to release it out of your space, is a job easily done by awareness which vibrates higher than the to be cleared emotions. So it is totally not about you not being good enough and it has all to do with the aspiration to give you the best help possible. Your Holy Guardian Angel has by species already a higher frequency then we humans have, so it is for a Holy Guardian Angel by nature easy to elevate the dropped into you layers of shame and guilt. If you have one, why not take advantage of their appointed function in your life?
I have another question. Do you think that you can use for healing and elevating shame and humiliation the same healing technique? If I told you that shame is more an energy and with this following the rules of energy, and that humiliation is not energy but rather an event. Sitting within a “place” in time, in physical time, in event space and frequency space. Shame may also be used as a verb, which too implies an action or an event, and in such case, humiliation may then be seen as a more extreme level of shaming. As James Bradshaw differentiates between healthy nourishing shame and Toxic/Life destroying shame. We will work with the toxic/Life destroying version of shame.
The great thing is, is that you can heal from toxic/life damaging shame. You just have to use your Imagination and allow your holy guardian Angel to perform the function it is assigned to do.
If you can do that, and really, that is all it takes, then I invite you to visit this page after the 15th of April 2019. Then you will be given the opportunity to sign in for a membership site for a ridiculously low rate, which allows you to make monthly healing steps. Towards a life where toxic/life damaging shame no longer controls your life. Would like that? Then sign in here and we will let you know when the membership site goes live.
It will feel as if I teach you personally how to Shift your Destiny, step by step.
What is the nr. 1 Reason to Heal from toxic Shame?
Well, that is one of the worldwide most destructive results of Shame… That is Addictions. The impact of toxic Shame on addictions is huge. One needs to heal and clear dropped upon you layers of toxic Shame in order to free yourself from addictions.
More information and solutions will be revealed in my upcoming Book. “Guilty”