It was last winter that it hit me hard.
Last winter my son visited us for the first time since we have moved to Switzerland and I gave my partner space to take 3 months of holiday. So he had all the time of the world to pick my son up. My Partner drove my son back to his father in the Netherlands. He asked me to go to my work with his car, his baby… I resisted and said that in these snowy mountains I preferred to drive my own car. With a smile he said “Well darling, our drive is 1600 km, I am sure you give us the more comfortable car don’t you?” I felt forced to ignore my warning intuition. But he had a point, so I did. They left and 15 minutes later I started our car Benjamin. I didn’t think at all and just gave gas and turned the wheel.
The sound I heard at that moment I will never forget.
Once I realized I heard the car scratching a surface I stopped and stepped out of the car. F*** OMG. The back of the right side was scratched by the 40 cm high wall. The damage was about 80 cm long and covered the backdoor and the wheel arch. How could I have forget that it was there? It is not that this wall has not been there during the winter. Then a noxious feeling came up, how will Gerard react? This is his baby, his love, we have been investing in this young timer for several years and it is his proud and glory. In shock I walked to our local garage and asked them if they had time to repair the damage I have caused. During the weekend it was not possible, the first opportunity would be on Monday, the day Gerard would return home. Too late, I pass. I got back into the car and drove to work. This 12 minute drive felt like an eternity and all kind of scripts passed my mind. I wanted the easiest solution. No matter what it cost. I wanted to avoid the confrontation with Gerard.
Then I heard my guide tell me “Do you realize what it is worth to you not to feel guilty?”
It took some seconds till I responded. This one remark hit me hard.
Indeed I was willing to pay several thousands of Swiss Francs so Gerard would not freak out about his car. This one remark made me realize that it was time to grow up and utilize my tools which I have at my disposal to process my anxieties and feelings of guilt, shame and humiliation instead of choosing an easy way out to the repair the damage. Driving upon the mountain while this remark was sinking in, I had a few realizations. One of them was that I am not alone in this and this is a global issue. Paying off guilt feelings instead of dealing with the feelings and processes which goes along.
My work colleagues where amused and reassured me that the scratch was not so easy to detect. Well sure, that is because you are no car lovers, a petrolhead detects these kind of damage instant. It took days for me to process, which was not so easy with residues of shock in the way. Luckily I had my guardian angel at my side. My Guardian Angel was at my side during my train of thoughts, pointing highly charged emotions out to me and giving me the space to process them. Sometimes a guide stepped in when a message was not recognised clearly enough by me. Have you encountered a situation like this before? Where your train of thoughts run like crazy while working, or whatever you are doing. How do you handle this?
Gerard came home on Monday. It was a sunny winters day and the first thing he asked was what I had to tell him which was so serious that I did not want to tell him by whatsapp voice message and insisted to tell him face to face. Once I started telling him, he almost had to laugh about my crying face. But once he heard what my fuzz was all about he turned serious and told me that he would like to have a look at Benjamin without me. So he went down again and I observed him from the balcony. This time I almost had to laugh when I saw him throwing his arms dramatic in the air when he saw the damage to his BMW.
Once he returned I had to leave him alone and beside his sarcastic remarks he gave that I am now the one who will be paying all of the planned work on the engine and body of the car, he did not punish me as I was afraid for. Gerard still gives me once in a while these kind of remarks, his method of testing how far I am with processing the complete load of guilt I have carried within me. It turned out that these days of reviewing all sorts of possible reactions has been a typical example of anxiety. Experiencing fears of what might happen. It was pretty dumb. It turned out I punished myself more then the one who concerns it. It did touch wounds slumbering within me. Though I have spends many sessions over the years on identifying shame and humiliation and having these cleared, I never touched upon Guilt before. This event forced me to do so.
Have you recognised any events of your own life where this feeling of guilt came up, even noticeable in your bodily reactions and once felt, you gave effort to push these feelings down or avoid them? You do realize this is a natural human reaction? Who, who is not able to deal with certain emotions, pushes them down, ignores them or gets upset or angry, leaving their surrounding clueless why you just got upset or even angry. Often you do not know for yourself.
Upcoming book “Guilty”
It is this event which made me realize my first book is not only about anger, my debut book will be named “Guilty”. It will include stories like these and more important, it will include information how to support yourself on a physical level with the right food and how to clear out the past life and past of this life karma causing the inability to deal with emotions such as guilt, shame, humiliation. Anger is no more than a cover up if you are unable to deal with certain emotions. It is a symptom, not a cause. I will also uncover a secret method how to clear the force of resistance in your system. This might turn your whole life around, it will allow you to take the first baby steps upon your higher path of destiny.
I have realized how lucky I am always to be in contact with my guides, my Holy Guardian Angel and other angels who support me and supplying me the appropriate insights, assisting me in processing events. No matter of the circumstances. They are there for me. They assist me to be in better touch with my self and all off my self aspects. I feel grateful for them. They have been there for me since age 25 and they always have been very clear that we will write books which will guide mankind through the quantum leap. I will give you this book “Guilty” in return. It is dedicated to you who needs guidance, to you who is not yet able to listen to and/or to trust the inner voice. You will be guided to a place which enforces and creates trust in yourself, trust in your intuition and trust to listen to your inner voice. It will assist you how to recognise your inner demons and how to say goodbye to them. Because each single inner or outer demon feeds of negative emotions such as fear, anxieties, guilt, shame, humiliation, doubt and anger. And they all know each other, they can call upon their demonic friends who helps you to thrive in anxieties, doubt and whatsoever. This book will assist you in your process towards a good place in your future.
And no matter if you live in a beach house in the Hampton’s, or you live in the hood in LA. We all have to deal with our inner demons. The book will supply methods which work for you, no matter where you live, what language you speak or in what financial circumstance you spend your life in. We all share the same emotions, only the circumstances of the experience differentiate.
Together with a food lifestyle derived from and fully attuned to the information of Medical Medium Anthony William you will get your mental and emotional health back into a good place.