IT WAS LAST WINTER THAT IT HIT ME HARD.
As a spiritual aware Author I like to share daily experiences. Struggles each of us face, or not, to find common ground with the readers, while sharing some inside information how to deal on a spiritual level, healing emotional wounds while shifting on a higher path of Destiny.
Last winter my son visited us for the first time since we have moved to Switzerland and I gave my partner space to take 3 months of holiday. So he had all the time of the world to pick my son up. My Partner drove my son back to his father in the Netherlands. He asked me to go to work in his car, his baby a BMW e34, 1994 of which he is the proud 2nd owner… I resisted and said that in these snowy mountains I preferred to drive my own Volvo. With a smile, he said, “Well darling, our drive is 1600 km, I am sure you give us the more comfortable car don’t you?” I felt forced to ignore my warning intuition. But he had a point, so I did. They left and 15 minutes later I started our car, Benjamin. I didn’t think at all and just hit the gas pedal and turned the wheel… Well, I can tell you, this moment changed my life by giving me insight in self and my inner wounds I till then never took care of. Or more honestly said, which I have been denying to exist.
The sound I heard at that moment I will never forget.
Once I realized I heard the car scratching a surface I stopped and stepped out of the car. F*** OMG. The back of the right side was scratched by the 40 cm high wall. The damage was pretty long and covered the backdoor and the wheel arch. How could I have forgotten that it was there? It is not that this wall has not been there during the winter. Then a noxious feeling came up, how will Gerard react? This is his baby, his love, we have been investing in this young timer for several years and it is his pride and glory. In shock, I walked to our local garage and asked them if they had time to repair the damage I have caused. During the weekend it was not possible, the first opportunity would be on Monday, the day Gerard would return home. Too late, I pass. I got back into the car and drove to work. This 12-minute drive felt like an eternity and all kinds of scripts passed my mind. I wanted the easiest solution. No matter what it cost. I wanted to avoid the confrontation with Gerard.
Then I heard my guide tell me
“Do you realize what it is worth to you not to feel guilty?”
It took some seconds until I responded. This one remark hit me hard.
Indeed I was willing to pay several thousands of Swiss Francs so Gerard would not freak out about his car. Everything not too disappoint him, not to feel judged by him. This one remark made me realize that it was time to grow up and utilize my tools which I have at my disposal to process my anxieties and feelings of guilt, shame, and humiliation instead of choosing an easy way out to repair the damage. Driving up on the mountain while this remark was sinking in, I had a few realizations. One of them was that I am not alone in this and this is a global issue. Paying off guilt feelings instead of dealing with the feelings and processes which go along. How many of you are aware of the standard example of a parent paying off their kid with gifts to compensate for their absence in daily life?
My work colleagues were amused and reassured me that the scratch was not so easy to detect. Well sure, that is because you are no car lovers, a petrolhead detects these kind of damage instant. It took days for me to process, which was not so easy with residues of shock in the way. Luckily I had my guardian angel at my side. My Guardian Angel was at my side during my train of thoughts, pointing highly charged emotions out to me and giving me the space to process them. Sometimes a guide stepped in when a message was not recognized enough by me. Have you encountered a situation like this before? Where your train of thoughts run like crazy while working, or whatever you are doing. How do you handle this?
Gerard came home on Monday. It was a sunny winters day and the first thing he asked was what I had to tell him which was so serious that I did not want to tell him by WhatsApp voice message and insisted to tell him face to face. Once I started telling him, he almost had to laugh about my crying face. But once he heard what my fuzz was all about he turned serious and told me that he would like to have a look at Benjamin without me. So he went down again and I observed him from the balcony. This time I almost had to laugh when I saw him throwing his arms dramatic in the air when he saw the damage to his BMW.
Once he returned I had to leave him alone and beside his sarcastic remarks he gave that I am now the one who will be paying all of the planned work on the engine and body of the car, he did not punish me as I was afraid for. Gerard still gives me once in a while this kind of remarks, his method of testing how far I am with processing the complete load of guilt I have carried within me. These days of reviewing all sorts of possible reactions of him have been a typical example of anxiety. Experiencing fears of what might happen. It was pretty dumb. It turned out I punished myself more than the one who concerns it. It did touch wounds slumbering within me. Though I have spends many sessions over the years on identifying shame and humiliation and having these cleared, I never touched upon Guilt before. This event forced me to do so. The time of denying was over. Time to learn to cope with guilt arrived.
Have you recognized any events of your own life where this feeling of guilt came up, even noticeable in your bodily reactions, and once felt, you gave the effort to push these feelings down or avoid them? You do realize this is a natural human reaction? Who, who is not able to deal with certain emotions, pushes them down, ignores them, or gets upset or angry, leaving their surrounding clueless why you just got upset or even angry. Often you do not know for yourself. Lets’s change this, let’s be less ignorant as I have been.
UPCOMING BOOK “GUILTY”
It is this event that made me realize my upcoming book is not only about anger, my 2nd book will be named “Guilty”. It will cover topics like toxic Shame, bleeding humiliation and guilt, anger, rage, addictions, and denial. It will include personal stories like these and more important, it will include information on how to support yourself on a spiritual level to heal spiritual wounds having a devastating effect on your emotional, mental behavioral patterns. it will include tips and useful links for the physical level. How you can transform with the right food and how to clear out the past life and past of this life karma causing the inability to deal with emotions such as guilt, shame, humiliation.
Anger is no more than a cover-up if you are unable to deal with certain emotions. It is a symptom, not a cause. I will also uncover a secret method on how to clear the force of resistance in your system. This might turn your whole life around, it will allow you to take the first baby steps upon your higher path of destiny. If you want to know why it is important to live your highest path of destiny possible in the first place, please read this blog.
I have realized how lucky I am always to be in daily contact since 1999 with my guides, my Holy Guardian Angel, and other angels who support me and supplying me the appropriate insights, assisting me in processing events. No matter the circumstances. They are here for me. They assist me to be in better touch with my self and all of my self aspects. I feel grateful for them. They have been there for me since age 25 and they always have been very clear that we will write books that will assist to guide mankind through the quantum leap. I will give you this book “Guilty” in return. It is dedicated to you who needs guidance, to you who is not yet able to listen to and/or to trust the inner voice. It is for those familiar already with spiritual awareness, and for those who are not. The book will be filled with lots of personal stories, thus leaning towards a memoir wasn’t it so that this book includes a step by step guideline on how to transform shame and guilt in your own life… You will be guided to a place that enforces and creates trust in yourself, trust in your intuition, and trust to listen to your inner voice. It will assist you in how to recognize your inner demons and how to say goodbye to them. Because each single inner or outer demon feeds off negative emotions such as fear, anxieties, guilt, shame, humiliation, doubt, and anger. And they all know each other, they can call upon their demonic friends who help you to thrive in anxieties, doubt and whatsoever. Which brings you into a deeper negative spiraling whirlpool of negative emotions. Would you like to escape from this? Why don’t you give it a try and test it for yourself if it works for you? This book will assist you in your process towards a good place in your future.
And no matter if you live in a beach house in the Hampton’s, or you live in the hood in LA. We all have to deal with our inner demons. The book will supply methods that work for you, no matter where you live, what language you speak, or in what financial circumstance you spend your life in. We all share the same emotions, only the circumstances of the experience differentiate. In the end it is up to you if you are willing to change and what methods you are willing to implement to achieve this change.